Hey there dear reader(s)? First off, sorry if my previous posts were emo-ish, and/or dark. If I made any one of you worry (which I highly doubt), I apologize. My mind wasn't exactly wired on right. Well, after some re-wiring, it's all better now!

I've been doing some thinking. Yes, I'm still hooked to that song with a long title. Yes, it's a rather sad song. Yes, it's a love song (somewhat). The lyrics may not match my situation 100%, but that's not why I listen to it. This song...has something special to it. I could almost feel the emotions that run through its lyrics. Strong emotions. And ain't song and music mostly about channeling emotions, or your soul, or whatnot? So I guess the song's doing its job. Heh.

Baack to the main point. So. I've been rather emo the past few days. For reasons that I shall not state here. Wahahahhaaha. Sometimes, you're in the middle of light, and you get dragged into the darkness. And I was THIS close to having a relapse into my darkness days, where all I do is sit in a corner, emo, and ponder whether or not life is worth it. But, sometimes, you find light within the darkness. Okay, so I didn't sit in a corner. I sat on a chair. There, happy? Why you so concerned with the details anyway? lol.

But still, I pondered about that question a lot. And I mean a lot. The result? I couldn't come up with an answer. No matter how hard I thought about it, until almost all of my thought processes were consumed by that question, I couldn't answer it. And I doubt anyone can. On second thought, scratch that. Everyone have their own answers, I guess. Which brings me to my next point...

Life isn't to be thought about, it's to be LIVED. What's the use of sitting there thinking? Nothing's gonna happen like that. Ever. You sit there thinking and thinking and thinking, when you could be doing something about it. (Damn, I sound like I'm lecturing myself)

Now, about the purpose, or meaning of life. This question? People have been asking it for ages. But no one's been able to answer it. Because no matter who you ask, other people ain't gonna be able to answer that question for you. Because it's YOUR life, not theirs. The way I see things, as you live life, you eventually find purpose, or meaning to your existence. To some, it may be to protect their loved one. To others, it may be to take care of their family. Some's purpose might even be to some bigwig and make some breakthrough, I don't know.

Point is, life...you won't find anything about it if all you do is sit around and mope. (Damn, now it REALLY sounds like i'm lecturing myself. Coz that's all i did for quite some time. hohoho) So go out and live it!

Well, that's all for now. This is Jack, signing out.
3:28 AM



Heh...Never thought...You'll come to find me again...But I can't say I'm surprised...I was kinda expecting you...darkness...

Seems we just can't get enough of each other, huh? Can't say that I missed you, though...Your effects were too strong...I used to be consumed by you...But then I regained strength, and overcame you...But now, now you've come back to find me...

I guess once someone's been tainted by darkness, the taint'll stick, huh? But then again, who hasn't faced darkness before? It's just that some are luckier...they have a source of light to guide them through...not all are that lucky though
7:34 AM



Haha..it's almost 4 and here i am blogging...while listening to...um...wait, the title's pretty long...ah, here it is : Crazy Woman (Kim Yeon Ji (SeeYa), Lee Hae Ri (Davichi), Lee Jung Min). Never thought Korean songs would be so nice...and so fitting for this..occassion.

Oh, and my mind has been churning stuff out. Here's an experimental one :

Maybe

Maybe, things wouldn't have turned out this way,
If only I had done it...

Maybe, I was blinded, and couldn't see how important you were to me,
If only I had better vision then...

Maybe, I was a fool, I didn't realize how things really were for me,
If only I was smarter and realized sooner...

Maybe, I could have obtained it,
If only I acted faster...

Maybe, things would have been different,
If only things were different,

But now all that's gone and all that's left is lingering thoughts,
As all these things will always remain a maybe...
If only...
12:40 PM



As I sit in front of my computer (laptop really, but why bother about the details eh?), with exams looming in front of me, I still had time to let my mind wander. And wander it did.

It wandered back to that day. Yes, that day that changed it all. It brought about a new beginning. A new resolve. On that day, I made up my mind. I was determined. I had a...vision of the future that I wanted to make real.

But...

What's happening now? What's going on? My resolve is shaking, my determination is faulty, my vision is blurred. It used to feel different. Special. But now...Now what is happening?

Something is happening. Something is...off. Or is this the correct thing? Is it supposed to be this way? Only questions are present. Wonder when will the answers choose to visit my mind, eh?
7:00 AM



Hmm...i wonder if people still visit this...it feels...slightly nostalgic. I used to rant about many things here. Mostly about my dark emotions. It's like...coming back to a scene of an accident or something. Well, I've moved on since then. Sort of. I'm in UKM now. Heh, i wonder why i'm even writing this, since no one even looks at this. This is...just for fun, I guess.

Here, i've seen light, and i've seen darkness. The first week...that was nothing but darkness. But slowly, slowly, light begins to shine. But whenever i feel like i found the light, darkness gets jealous and drags me back. Here, occasionally i get the feeling...the feeling that i'm...odd. An...anomaly. Ah, yes...anomaly. This word was a favourite of mine back in the first few weeks. 'Cause, that's what I was. And sometimes, I still am an anomaly.

An anomaly is an error, an oddity. But sometimes, what someone sees as odd, another sees as special. I wonder which am I in the eyes of those people. Am i some sort of freakshow? Or am i someone that's just...different? Wait, ain't those 2 the same?

Around these parts, i ain't famous, but i ain't exactly hated either (hopefully). I won't know whether or not i'm hated, since people of this new age doesn't exactly go in front of your face and say "hey, you know what? I hate your guts." No, they don't do that anymore. It's like, they played too much dota, or warcraft or something. To those who played before, it's like they like the skills 'blink' and 'backstab' a little too much. Instead of coming at you head on, people...they...we...go around people's backs and stab them, mostly without them knowing. (Well, if they knew, it wouldn't be called a backstab, now would it?)

Now, how do I know i ain't famous? simple...i don't get any dedications. mooncake festival dedications are here, and i'm getting none. Heh. Well, not like I expected any in the first place. I've learned to keep my hopes to a minimum, to minimize the eventual dissapointment. A very very important survival skill. You'll learn this from experience. Heck, I'm lucky i'm not getting weird stares and getting poked with a 3-inch stick to see what kinda being am i. I don't know...at times, I feel like...it's going pretty well, but at other times, it's like...the old negative feeling : I don't belong.

And...well, just to get this off my chest, i have someone on my mind now...but whether or not it'll become real, who knows? Right now, all i can hope is that when she sees my sms/message/anything else, she won't go "Great...what does this guy want with me again?"

Well, that's all, for now...Really, I wonder if anyone even reads this.
9:52 AM



Today went and took x-ray and had check-up...but before that, an announcement.

I would like to thank you, Xul, for giving me that final push needed for me to make my blog public. Thanks. I sort of feel like...more...open? now? hahahahaha. Well, that's that.

Baaaack to the topic. I had my X-ray today. Went to the clinic that my family have been seeing for a looong time. And that we haven't went to see for a loooong time. (good for us, bad for him) Checked this, that, blood pressure, eyesight, etc, etc. Then he gave us the address of where we were to get x-ray.

Go there ady, need to wait summore. Wait for them to call my name. Waiting, waiting, i see one uncle damn kesian. He came out of the CT Scan room la. He was wheeled out in one of those stretcher thingies. They wheel him till the entrance of the radiology department (where me and my family were in for me to get x-ray) and they left him there! While they (the nurses, staff, etc) went off to settle the documentation and all, they left the old guy there! Well, after a while, i din really notice he was still there, coz i needed to turn my head like more than 90 degrees to look at the entrance.

After I got my x-ray (the process itself was pretty quick), he was still there! Only after a while, as i was waiting for the x-ray...result or something..u know, the smooth x-ray thingie that u see docs put on bright boards in tv, the old guy finally got wheeled out. Well, I got my x-ray result soon after.

Aand...that's that! My check-up/x-ray adventure. Here's the pic of the day :



8:20 AM



Man...it's really hot today. I mean, sweltering hot. It's like, a free sauna right in your living room. Even when the fan is on at max power. A sure sign of global warming?
2:40 AM