Huh?

Sigh...

2010-03-11T04:29:00.000-08:00

Haha...here I am again...after God knows how long...Well, here I go again...warning though, this is gonna be a semi-emo post...

Yesterday there was a concert in my uni...I was part of the committee in charge of the concert...and damn it was great...the atmosphere...the event...but most of all, the people...Aw yeah the people...that's like the main point...

The people there...they're something else...they had this bond...and this bond...from what i see, they treat each other as...family...they mingle with one another, they care for one another...it was like one great big family, y'know?

Although I wasn't involved in most of the meetings and outings and all, but just by joining the club/society/whatchamacallit, I felt as if I was part of the family as well. Although I didn't get to know most of the people, the people that I got to know was really kind, really nice people. Well, those that I didn't get to know, I have no comments, of course.

The one thing that glues all these people together is passion. A passion for music. And I think that through this passion, they stick together and care for one another.

There, with them, I really felt like...I was a part of them. There's just this...this vibe, y'know? Those two whole days spent preparing for it in the hall, those were some good days...but now it's all over. Which brings me to the main prob.

It's over, but I can't stop thinking about it. I miss it. It's like there's a void inside me. And nothing is filling it. Games, shows, nothing. Last night, when it was all over (heck, I even stayed behind to help clean up. I didn't want to leave!) and I went back to my college, my heart felt heavy. And when I stepped into my college, some words went into my heart. They were...

"Fuck. Back to this shithole again."

Coz you see, the people here in my college and the people in the music group...they're worlds apart. People here comprises of fakers, hypocrites, and the like. I still remember what they did...In the first week alone, they humiliated me, made fun of me, disgraced me...And all because I don't know mandarin...

Since then, I've held a vengeance in my heart. The more I see their actions, their behavior, the more disgusted I become. How could they act like this?

Aah, it seems like i've gotten off-track. The people in my college is another story. How my vengeance was created, is also another story. All that matters right now is...

Wake the hell up, Jack!!!

Crap

2010-01-12T00:17:00.000-08:00

Update : crap crap crap. things are crappy right now. the mandarin club committee cannot find anyone else to take the rice (we order rice from outside) and ask me, who dutied last sem for 2 days a week, every week, to take it again this sem.

things feel like they're breathing down my neck. I can't even enjoy weekends without the thoughts of activities breathing down my neck.

since when did activities turn from 'hey i'm interested in this. I'll join!' to 'i'm doing this to stay in my college'?

it feels...forced, i guess.

Been moody these days. I feel like picking a fight at times. my sparring partner is the wall. of course, i lose.

losing confidence in ppl...fakers galore round here~ with a few exceptions, of course...the only good thing that happened nowadays ^_^

so, this is jack, signing out...gotta call some dude for activity purposes...sigh

I...

2009-12-15T04:37:00.000-08:00

I...I have nothing now, there is a hole where my heart used to be, dripping with blood and dark matter. I have no one now, all that remains is a shadow that cackles and laugh at me from the darkness. I am nobody now, having lost both things and people.

Hey there. Actually, originally i wanted to use those lines as the main anchor of a story i was coming up (in my mind, since i seem to have become a bit too lazy to write anything anymore). Now, i guess a bit of this can be applied to me. hahaha

A friend of mine asked what happened to me that caused me to use those lines. Answer : everything. Everything culminates to this point, everything boils up to now, and when i'm left alone, left for...more sociable, less weird people...my mind springs into action.

Now i remember. I remember that emotion. The darkness pulling me. Now i know why workaholics exist. Or gamerholic or whatever-holics u can come up with. When you work, you forget. You don't think. You feel less. Emotions cease to exist when you're too busy to even think about it.

whenever i see other people happy, i see other people laughing away, i see other people actually being with people, i get...jealous? I'm not sure if that's the correct word haha. i am reminded of that gaping hole within me.

But i'm not down for the count yet. Oh no. I'm gonna try to fight this emotion. Though it feels like a black hole is forming in my heart (weird feeling, coming from emotions i think. or hormones), i'll try to fight it.

Yo

2009-11-04T03:28:00.001-08:00

Hey there dear reader(s)? First off, sorry if my previous posts were emo-ish, and/or dark. If I made any one of you worry (which I highly doubt), I apologize. My mind wasn't exactly wired on right. Well, after some re-wiring, it's all better now!

I've been doing some thinking. Yes, I'm still hooked to that song with a long title. Yes, it's a rather sad song. Yes, it's a love song (somewhat). The lyrics may not match my situation 100%, but that's not why I listen to it. This song...has something special to it. I could almost feel the emotions that run through its lyrics. Strong emotions. And ain't song and music mostly about channeling emotions, or your soul, or whatnot? So I guess the song's doing its job. Heh.

Baack to the main point. So. I've been rather emo the past few days. For reasons that I shall not state here. Wahahahhaaha. Sometimes, you're in the middle of light, and you get dragged into the darkness. And I was THIS close to having a relapse into my darkness days, where all I do is sit in a corner, emo, and ponder whether or not life is worth it. But, sometimes, you find light within the darkness. Okay, so I didn't sit in a corner. I sat on a chair. There, happy? Why you so concerned with the details anyway? lol.

But still, I pondered about that question a lot. And I mean a lot. The result? I couldn't come up with an answer. No matter how hard I thought about it, until almost all of my thought processes were consumed by that question, I couldn't answer it. And I doubt anyone can. On second thought, scratch that. Everyone have their own answers, I guess. Which brings me to my next point...

Life isn't to be thought about, it's to be LIVED. What's the use of sitting there thinking? Nothing's gonna happen like that. Ever. You sit there thinking and thinking and thinking, when you could be doing something about it. (Damn, I sound like I'm lecturing myself)

Now, about the purpose, or meaning of life. This question? People have been asking it for ages. But no one's been able to answer it. Because no matter who you ask, other people ain't gonna be able to answer that question for you. Because it's YOUR life, not theirs. The way I see things, as you live life, you eventually find purpose, or meaning to your existence. To some, it may be to protect their loved one. To others, it may be to take care of their family. Some's purpose might even be to some bigwig and make some breakthrough, I don't know.

Point is, life...you won't find anything about it if all you do is sit around and mope. (Damn, now it REALLY sounds like i'm lecturing myself. Coz that's all i did for quite some time. hohoho) So go out and live it!

Well, that's all for now. This is Jack, signing out.

Heh

2009-11-01T07:34:00.000-08:00

Heh...Never thought...You'll come to find me again...But I can't say I'm surprised...I was kinda expecting you...darkness...

Seems we just can't get enough of each other, huh? Can't say that I missed you, though...Your effects were too strong...I used to be consumed by you...But then I regained strength, and overcame you...But now, now you've come back to find me...

I guess once someone's been tainted by darkness, the taint'll stick, huh? But then again, who hasn't faced darkness before? It's just that some are luckier...they have a source of light to guide them through...not all are that lucky though

ha

2009-10-31T12:40:00.000-07:00

Haha..it's almost 4 and here i am blogging...while listening to...um...wait, the title's pretty long...ah, here it is : Crazy Woman (Kim Yeon Ji (SeeYa), Lee Hae Ri (Davichi), Lee Jung Min). Never thought Korean songs would be so nice...and so fitting for this..occassion.

Oh, and my mind has been churning stuff out. Here's an experimental one :

Maybe

Maybe, things wouldn't have turned out this way,
If only I had done it...

Maybe, I was blinded, and couldn't see how important you were to me,
If only I had better vision then...

Maybe, I was a fool, I didn't realize how things really were for me,
If only I was smarter and realized sooner...

Maybe, I could have obtained it,
If only I acted faster...

Maybe, things would have been different,
If only things were different,

But now all that's gone and all that's left is lingering thoughts,
As all these things will always remain a maybe...
If only...

What happened?

2009-10-30T07:00:00.000-07:00

As I sit in front of my computer (laptop really, but why bother about the details eh?), with exams looming in front of me, I still had time to let my mind wander. And wander it did.

It wandered back to that day. Yes, that day that changed it all. It brought about a new beginning. A new resolve. On that day, I made up my mind. I was determined. I had a...vision of the future that I wanted to make real.

But...

What's happening now? What's going on? My resolve is shaking, my determination is faulty, my vision is blurred. It used to feel different. Special. But now...Now what is happening?

Something is happening. Something is...off. Or is this the correct thing? Is it supposed to be this way? Only questions are present. Wonder when will the answers choose to visit my mind, eh?

Updates...?

2009-09-29T09:52:00.000-07:00

Hmm...i wonder if people still visit this...it feels...slightly nostalgic. I used to rant about many things here. Mostly about my dark emotions. It's like...coming back to a scene of an accident or something. Well, I've moved on since then. Sort of. I'm in UKM now. Heh, i wonder why i'm even writing this, since no one even looks at this. This is...just for fun, I guess.

Here, i've seen light, and i've seen darkness. The first week...that was nothing but darkness. But slowly, slowly, light begins to shine. But whenever i feel like i found the light, darkness gets jealous and drags me back. Here, occasionally i get the feeling...the feeling that i'm...odd. An...anomaly. Ah, yes...anomaly. This word was a favourite of mine back in the first few weeks. 'Cause, that's what I was. And sometimes, I still am an anomaly.

An anomaly is an error, an oddity. But sometimes, what someone sees as odd, another sees as special. I wonder which am I in the eyes of those people. Am i some sort of freakshow? Or am i someone that's just...different? Wait, ain't those 2 the same?

Around these parts, i ain't famous, but i ain't exactly hated either (hopefully). I won't know whether or not i'm hated, since people of this new age doesn't exactly go in front of your face and say "hey, you know what? I hate your guts." No, they don't do that anymore. It's like, they played too much dota, or warcraft or something. To those who played before, it's like they like the skills 'blink' and 'backstab' a little too much. Instead of coming at you head on, people...they...we...go around people's backs and stab them, mostly without them knowing. (Well, if they knew, it wouldn't be called a backstab, now would it?)

Now, how do I know i ain't famous? simple...i don't get any dedications. mooncake festival dedications are here, and i'm getting none. Heh. Well, not like I expected any in the first place. I've learned to keep my hopes to a minimum, to minimize the eventual dissapointment. A very very important survival skill. You'll learn this from experience. Heck, I'm lucky i'm not getting weird stares and getting poked with a 3-inch stick to see what kinda being am i. I don't know...at times, I feel like...it's going pretty well, but at other times, it's like...the old negative feeling : I don't belong.

And...well, just to get this off my chest, i have someone on my mind now...but whether or not it'll become real, who knows? Right now, all i can hope is that when she sees my sms/message/anything else, she won't go "Great...what does this guy want with me again?"

Well, that's all, for now...Really, I wonder if anyone even reads this.

X-ray

2009-06-25T08:20:00.000-07:00

Today went and took x-ray and had check-up...but before that, an announcement.

I would like to thank you, Xul, for giving me that final push needed for me to make my blog public. Thanks. I sort of feel like...more...open? now? hahahahaha. Well, that's that.

Baaaack to the topic. I had my X-ray today. Went to the clinic that my family have been seeing for a looong time. And that we haven't went to see for a loooong time. (good for us, bad for him) Checked this, that, blood pressure, eyesight, etc, etc. Then he gave us the address of where we were to get x-ray.

Go there ady, need to wait summore. Wait for them to call my name. Waiting, waiting, i see one uncle damn kesian. He came out of the CT Scan room la. He was wheeled out in one of those stretcher thingies. They wheel him till the entrance of the radiology department (where me and my family were in for me to get x-ray) and they left him there! While they (the nurses, staff, etc) went off to settle the documentation and all, they left the old guy there! Well, after a while, i din really notice he was still there, coz i needed to turn my head like more than 90 degrees to look at the entrance.

After I got my x-ray (the process itself was pretty quick), he was still there! Only after a while, as i was waiting for the x-ray...result or something..u know, the smooth x-ray thingie that u see docs put on bright boards in tv, the old guy finally got wheeled out. Well, I got my x-ray result soon after.

Aand...that's that! My check-up/x-ray adventure. Here's the pic of the day :

The gigantic envelope that houses my x-ray result. The words are pretty small, but u can see the words 'imaging department' at least.

Well, that's all folks! Till next time~

Man...

2009-06-05T02:40:00.000-07:00

Man...it's really hot today. I mean, sweltering hot. It's like, a free sauna right in your living room. Even when the fan is on at max power. A sure sign of global warming?

Here we go

2009-06-04T09:59:00.000-07:00

Okay! New skin is up and running! Actually, the old skin was alright, but people were getting misunderstandings that there was some sort of 'secret meaning' behind the skin and all that, so i had to change it. Besides, the cbox wasn't working all that well in the old skin. Now, in this new skin, it works perfectly well! So here's to my new skin!

P.S. There, you happy man? Made all the fonts BIGGER just for you, you know! Wahahahahhaa

Canvas

2009-06-01T08:57:00.000-07:00

This is a really nice song..from the drama Honey & Clover...it's called Canvas

The lyrics (in english)

One of these days when we'll meet again I will wave my hand, your smiling face will be forever burned in my mind.
"That's it, eh?" was the response on my face, I wonder if I can smile well and convincingly?

Although I still can't hand over the ball with "I love you" written on it,
My heart scatters, tumbles, and tickles.

Even if things can't remain like this, and are drifted away from here on,
It'll never change, it'll never be soiled, our only canvas.

Because I am looking, searching, and walking for the "sorry" uttered in your response.

Although the words "I love you" that were written on the ball are fading,
I have no strength to throw it away nor the will to cast it aside.

Within the passing time, underneath the ever-changing sky,
It'll never be forgotten, it'll never be parted, the bond will surely become stronger.

Scattered easily like the clouds, unreachable like a rainbow,
It'll never return, it'll never be soiled, our blue canvas.

Whether it is love, dream, or the last train, I ran after them in confusion.
When I grasped your hand, you said "it hurts".
Whether it is love, dream, or the last train, they were all alive.
When I saw your eyes, it's true that I'm always speechless.

Even if things can't remain like this, and are drifted away from here on,
It'll never change, it'll never be a lie, the two of us were able to meet now.
As free as a bird, lonesome like the wind,
It'll never return, it'll never be soiled, the tears-covered canvas

...nice song, huh...it has a touching melody...i mean the tune and all...well, that's all from me this time...till next time~

Life is like a gamble

2009-05-28T08:39:00.000-07:00

Okay, I just suddenly thought of this line while i was writing my earlier post. My tuition teacher once said (okay, he said it more than once, but that's a minor detail) 'life is like a gamble'.

Which does sort of makes sense. Many things in life is like a gamble. From choosing which stream to study in, to what sort of course to enroll in for university, to the dreaded 'confess or not' situations.

I would like to draw the example of poker. I'm sure many of you know about poker. In the game, using the general rules, you can switch the cards in your hand. So it's sort of like that. Choosing streams, courses, is like what hand you're going for. You have a choice of what hand you want to play. Do you think that's a winning hand? Is the science stream really suitable? Or would you go with this hand? Is the arts stream more suitable? Can your hand win? Will your confession be successful?

Since, like life, it's highly unlikely of getting the perfect invincible hand, you'll have to bet on it. Will you bet, using this hand, or not? Will you win, or not? Oh, and i forgot to mention one minor detail. All your bets are 'all in' or in chinese, 'sai lan'. It basically means you're putting all your chips into the bet. So, there's no turning back.

And a personal question : If life is like a gamble, then...who's the dealer?

Carpe diem? No carpe diem?

2009-05-28T08:24:00.000-07:00

Hmmm....A good friend of mine is in a predicament...but I see no available solution for that predicament...or at least, i haven't been able to see a solution...

Which brings me to carpe diem. For those of you who don't know what it means, it more or less means 'seize the day'. Or something like that. However, for this situation, 'seizing' the day would mean that he would be single-handedly destroy everything he hoped for, everything he dreamed of.

You see, he's the type that goes about spouting 'carpe diem'! live life! Do what ya wanna do now, you might not have that 'next time'! You know, that thing people usually say, " see ya next time" or "till next time". What if there's NO next time? For life is fragile, yes? And none of us can foresee the future. At least, my friend and I can't.

So he's stuck in between his principle and his situation. Seizing the day, or chance, would mean that he would be destroying everything. Not seizing it, and he might not have that chance anymore.

Some of you might say : "Then go for it la! Easy!" But I ask you : Would you willingly do something that you know will fail? Will you knowingly go into a bombing zone, or directly in the line of fire? It's like walking into a minefield to play 'Guess where the mine is'. (no offence to minefield victims)

Well, that's all. And no, we still haven't thought up a solution.

Phew

2009-05-26T02:09:00.000-07:00

Phew! After days of unending sweltering heat, finally we're having a day where the weather is actually cool...At least, for now...Still, it's a nice change, ain't it?

I LIVE!

2009-05-24T09:43:00.000-07:00

I'm baaaaack!!!!! Aw yeah! YES! I AM INVINCIBLE!

You missed me, didn't you? Don't be shy now, just admit it....i knew you missed me! Well, good news, everyone, coz Jack is back in business!

Anyway, NEW SKIN! What? It's nice...ain't it? After giving it a few tweaks here and there...IT'S ALIVE!!!! MWAHAHAHAHAH!!!! AHHAAHAHAHHAAH!!! (cue lightning in the background)

Well, that's all for now. Toodles~

Been a while

2009-05-05T05:38:00.000-07:00

Been a while, huh? Nothing much, just wanted to say i'm alright now...gotten cheerful again...and i'm closing this blog down. Nothing much to write about, anyway. It'll still be here, though. In case anyone wants to read it or something. That's all, folks!

So sad

2009-04-01T09:52:00.000-07:00

Sigh...earlier, i was just checking out stuff in the internet when i chanced upon a video that was a tribute to the movie 'Windstruck'. It's a really great Korean movie...But, the movie also becomes really sad in the middle and the end...and it made me sad...thinking back...

All of a sudden, I just felt...so sad...Suddenly, I felt like...this world...is so tiring...Can I just escape into the movie world? Can I just leave things be? I just felt that this world is so sad...So tiring...can I escape from this endless cycle of sadness? Can I...escape? Is this world worth living in? Sad...so sad...

At this moment, it's as if nothing matters to me anymore...All i want to do is escape...I want to...go away...Games? It has the same effect to me as it does to people who drinks beer because what it does, is let us escape from this world...to drown our sorrows...Can I...go away? To somewhere where there is no problems, nothing for me to think about? Does such a place exist? Can I go to the movie world? Where after doing this and that, after 2 hours, it all ends? Can I...escape from this sadness?

Sad...So sad...Must this world be so sad?

The light...

2009-03-27T06:42:00.000-07:00

All of a sudden...I just felt...empty. It was like my soul just became empty. Dark. Hollow. I felt like...I wanted to reach light. You see, earlier, I was going through those facebook quizzes...then there was these stuff about darkness and stuff...and then I just felt...I...Do i really like the darkness? I yearn for light at times...My soul is trapped in darkness...I reach for light, ( light = my friends, people I can hang out with) but the darkness...it just drags me back down...further enveloping me...

Been a while...

2009-03-24T09:46:00.000-07:00

Been a while since i last posted, hasn't it? Well, here I am again...more...disappointed in the world than ever. Well, it's not like I can do anything bout it, right?

I just can't help but feel that the world is slowly going into chaos and the only things humans are doing right now is making things worse. Why is it that humans have to be so selfish? Why is it that humans must think of their own gain and personal interests all the time? Well, that's just how humans are, i guess...

Okay! Let's talk bout some happier things! I finished Metal Gear Solid 3 : Snake Eater! It was one great game, i tell you. Compelling story, great gameplay, and excellent music! And i'm not exaggerating. And it honestly has one of the greatest boss battles of all time. My personal favourite is the battle with a guy called The Fury. He's this cosmonaut, you see. He wears this big space suit, complete with the head-dome and all those stuff. He says that while in space, and when going back to earth, he saw a vision : the world in flames. And he holds infinite fury towards the world and living things, so hence the name The Fury. Okay, this explanation of sorts is not 100% accurate, but just hang on to it for now. If you really wanna know, then go play the game yourself! Back to topic. The Fury fights using an awesome flamethrower. And he has this jetpack that lets him fly, or at least glide. You fight him in a dark, damp place, where you can't see too clearly, and neither can him. That's when he burns the whole darn place, making it bright!

Heh, my talk about The Fury was a bit too long, huh? He's a part of a unit alled The Cobras, which consists of The Pain, The Fear, The End, The Fury and The Joy. All of them are emotions that tehy bring into battle. And it's the emotions they show when they die. Really, it's more awesome than it sounds. Each of them have their own fighting styles and abilities. For a real suspenseful fight, you oughta check out The End. He's this 100 year old guy who can blend with the forest, making him almost invisible in the forest. And he's a legendary sniper to boot. So imagine : you're fighting a guy who's a legendary sniper and who you can't see. And he's shooting at you constantly. Think about that!

Well, I can go on and on and on, but who really reads this stuff, huh? Well, the few that do aren't really gamers...So, i'm gonna end this here. And oh, from now on, I'm gonna try to express myself at the end of my posts with the name of one or more of the Cobra Unit, to show my respect of sorts to them.

A parting gift : a music video of the game

Current mood : The Joy, The End

D-Day

2009-03-11T07:16:00.000-07:00

Sigh...D-Day has come and passed...and in one fell swoop, it shattered me. Even now, I'm still reeling from the effects the results had on me. Even now, i feel like I failed...Although I didn't get an F for any of my subjects (thanks God) but still...I mean...2B 2C la weh...i was hoping for at least 1A...right now, i feel as if i let everyone down...like i let myself down....

At first, I felt really down...then with my friends around, i started to felt better. But i was still kinda alone in the school. Well, at most we just said the usual stuff, how were your hols, and later how was your results...we only talked about those stuff...who am i kidding huh? who really gives a damn bout me (those that were in school, that is)

Well, after that, went to eat with some of my friends...yeah, i was still cheerful at that time...but, when i got home, it was as if reality set in. I couldn't exactly face my parents...i was...in a state of shock, so to say...I didn't want to do anything. I just wanted to be alone. I sat on the sofa idly for about half an hour...i didn't even look at the TV. I just sat there, and covered my face with my palm.

But soon after that, i at least regained enough spirit to open my computer and surf the net. And i felt better. And for the rest of the day, I just surfed the net and played games...I didn't want to be bothered by anything.

And so we come to today. The post-apocalyptic status was here. The more i thought about it, the more i felt like a failure. But that was just the start of it. As soon as I went on MSN, a person's personal message pierced me like a sword. It read : I worked my ass of for the papers. And his nick was : (insert name here) says results were sweet! And the results he got was 1A and 3B or something. Now, i'm not commenting on his results or anything, just his nick and personal msg. Was he implying that the others did not work their asses of? Was he implying that he worked harder than everyone else? Was he implying that other people did not work hard?

Why is it that people automatically think that other people didn't work hard if they didn't get good results? Why is it that people judge another person's effort by their results? Why? And so i am pretty pissed off these two days...

Heh

2009-03-08T11:05:00.000-07:00

Heh...seems i'm back again after a hiatus of sorts...Well, it HAS been a while since i last blogged (last post was february 16), and i guessed it was time i blogged again. Well, let's start things off with...

I don't HATE her anymore!!! Well, it happened some time ago, but i caught her online one day, and i bombed her with questions. Actually, she was online, then went offline quickly. I bombed her with questions (even though she was offline) and then just went on with my stuff, since she'll see my questions eventually. Oh, I forgot to mention, after a while since my last post, the hatred in me started fading away and was replaced with questions...questions on why, and more why. So, i bombed her, and that very night she was online...and guess what? she bombed me back! She kept insisting i was being over-sensitive, and that she nvr ignored me and all that...And so a debate of sorts ensued. Surprisingly, she managed to counter my questions with certain facts. But, eventually, a feeling inside me appeared. It told me to grab this chance and just make peace. Why must i continue feeling hatred, or habouring those questions? So, i took the chance, and eventually made peace with her. We're griends again! Wahahahha!! Actually, at this time, i realized something...who is right? who is wrong? does it really matter? i'll elaborate on this some more later...

RESULTS!!! STPM results are gonna come out on march 10. damn scared weh...i wonder wat will happen if i get bad results..but...wat's done is done huh? And thinking back, i've had a pretty good holidays...beat quite some games...including:

1. Persona 4 (very good game!)
2. Crimson Tears (high blood pressure inducing game)
3. Shining Tears (average...lots of hack and slashing)
4. Dragon Quest VIII (good game!)
5. Ar tonelico (good)
6. Ar tonelico II (good)
7. Metal saga (ok la)

Well, I guess i'm gonna leave my results and my fate to God. Well, what else can I do? Hahahaha...I live by the motto : see step walk step (literal translation from chinese saying : kin pou hang pou)

And on to the topic of right and wrong. What is right? What is wrong? Both sides think their on the right side. Both will continue fighting forever if none would relent and give in. And all that would bring is chaos and damnation. Also, I live by these words : to each his own. I heard this the first time in spiderman 1. Green goblin and spiderman was chatting and goblin used this phrase, which basically means : each of us has our own way of thinking and way of doing things. And that's why I don't argue who is right much. Because each of us think we are right.

Okay, that's all for now. It's been a long post, huh? But these things have been on my heart for a while, so, this is it for now. More coming soon...what with the results and all...

Seething emotions...

2009-02-16T08:48:00.000-08:00

Ara, this will be a little emo post...you see, earlier, on msn, i...encountered someone. The person who caused me so much pain. The person i hated for some time. HER. Yes, HER. When i think about her, 2 things pop into my mind. 1 : the (rather) good memories, and 2 : the events of July the 25th, 2007. Ah, yes...that day...but i will leave that for some other day. For now, I shall elaborate what happened earlier.

I was stunned. I met her once on msn about 2 weeks ago. I was shocked then too. Because u see, she's a rather...rare encounter. But at that time, i kept my cool. I reacted normally, and chatted normally. But after that, the memories came flooding back in. And it reminds me of that incident, and the...not so nice consequences. She...caused me to go down. Caused my fall. Sure, that might not be the only reason, but I dare say she was a rather...big factor.

So, i met her earlier (on msn, no less) but i didn't engage her. I only opened the chat window but nvr uttered a word. I was...keeping myself in check. I was...stabilizing myself. At that moment, i was torn between 2 emotions : 1. to just move on, treat her like a normal friend again, and 2. to hate her, hate her for causing my...condition of sorts.

and to add oil to the fire, i was listening to this song for these fews days, :

Here are the rap lyrics :

First day that we met there was something special
Something between us with so much potential
But something was nothing was all just a game
You played my brain with your cute little frame

To think that I thought there was something between us
Think that I thought there was love in between us
Now that I thought it was you in between us
Now that I thought it was you that deceived us

But no us, it was you then me
How the hell could I see what would happen to be
Were you actually just playin with me?
How the fuck could this be how you treated me?

You said these words and you did these things
And you wrapped me around like a fuckin string
And you pulled me along and you led me on
Until all I got left is the words to a song

Now I look in your eyes and I start to realize
All those fucking lies in between your lines
Not a single truth in a thing you said
But I don't give a shit now cuz to me you're dead and it's..

*end of lyrics*

ok, that was to differentiate between the lyrics and my post. Haha. It is a good song, by the way. Nyoho. Well, I guess that's all for now. Oh yeah, and I really like the rap part lyrics...

New Heart

2009-02-12T08:25:00.000-08:00

Hohoho....XuL...ya wanna know bout my name? maybe...next time, hmm? For now, i'm gonna introduce another series. It's a Korean series this time! It's called New Heart...

So, a bit on the story, yes? Choi Kang-guk is a genius heart surgeon who is somewhat...tireed of all the hospital politics, and the inadequate equipment of the hospital he's working in, that is a small hospital in the countryside or something. He goes fishing one day, and gets into a brawl with 3 drunk men. Now, although, their drunk, they can still fight. So, Kang-guk loses the fight, and gets injured. He is sent to the very hospital that he works in for treatment. There, he meets Lee Eun-sung, a trainee doctor who tends to his minor wounds. Suddenly, an emergency patient comes in, and the trainees, including Eun-sung, does not know how to see the X-Ray, because it appeared as if the X-Ray was wrong somewhere. Recognizing it immediately, Kang-guk does some emergency treatment to the patient, and orders for the patient to be sent to a bigger hospital. It is then Eun-sung knows that Kang-guk is actually a great doctor. Soon, Kang-guk is transferred to Gwanghee Hospital, one of the most renowned hospitals. There, he meets Nam Hye-suk, an elite student who hopes to be a great heart surgeon. As fate would have it, Eun-sung also goes there to apply to become a heart department trainee. ( or something like that...not too sure bout medical studies terms) And so begins the tale of the lives of Kang-guk, Eun-sung and Hye-suk, all 3 whom are in the thoracic department.

Whew...that was some back story huh? actually that's more like the whole 1st episode, but there wasn't much backstory in this series, so had to settle with that. And now, for the characters:

Choi Kang-guk

Choi Kang-guk is a genius surgeon who is renowned for being the first who did an open heart transplant in Korea. At first assigned to a small hospital in the countryside, he is then transferred to Gwanghee Hospital, where he becomes the head of the Thoracic Department. A stubborn man, he initially dislikes both Eun-sung and Hye-suk, but later warms up to them. He enevtually treats Eun-sung as his pupil, passing on his policies on how to be a good doctor to him. But being the stubborn man that he is, he breaks many rules of the hospital, including direct orders from the hospital director. His actions constantly land him in trouble, and with some envious doctors who eye his position as department head, will he be able to hold on through it all and STILL be a good doctor? Oh, and did I mention his actions also lead to some family problems?

Lee Eun-sung

The green trainee, Eun-sung is someone who lacks in skills and knowledge but makes up for it with heart and some strong instincts. He correctly deducts that a patient was suffering from a severre condition when a senior doctor says otherwise. Like Kang-guk, he lands himself in trouble often. He admires Kang-guk tremendously, and loves to see his operating skills. However, like his master of sorts, his good behaviour and strong will to save people tend to land him in the bad books of some senior doctors.

Nam Hye-suk

Hye-suk is an elite medical student. Initially offered a seat at a prestigious hospital overseas as trainee, she refuses as the course offered was not the course she desired, which is thoracic surgery. A person who is filled with skills, she lacks the heart that is required of a good doctor. She plays things by the books, and tends to think that some patients are not worth saving, because they bring their injuries to themselves (in one way or another). She eventually falls for Eun-sung, but will things turn out happily ever after?

Well, that's all for the main characters. There are a few interesting side characters though. These include Bae Dae-ro, a good friend of Kang-guk, and Lee Dong-gwon, a superstar heartthrob who falls for Hye-suk and makes it no secret.

Well, that's all i can say about the series right now. It's a really great series though, with exciting moments in every episode. You'll have to be prepared to look at the heart and gushes of blood many times though. And by heart, i mean a BEATING heart. Hohoho...Till next time.

Operation Love aka Proposal Daisakusen

2009-02-08T08:43:00.000-08:00

Ah...Operation Love. I mentioned this in a previous post, i wonder if anyone even saw that. Anyway, this time, i'm gonna say more about this series.

Story
Iwase Ken is one...sad guy. He is attending the wedding of the girl he loves, Yoshida Rei who is also his childhood friend, and is even invited to give a speech! He looks at a slideshow showing him, her, their friends and her future husband. Moments before his speech, he thinks to himself about how he regrets the way he never confessed to the Rei, and wishes that he can go back to the past to correct his mistakes. (I'm not too sure about his part...memory's kinda blurry. Anyone who knows the exact thing, please writei n my chatbox) As he wishes for a second chance, a bright light suddenly shines on his face and time stops. A middle-aged man in a suit and a hat suddenly appears, saying that he is the fairy that resides in the church. Sensing Ken's regrets, he gives Ken a second chance. Ken can travel back in time but only to certain places and certain time periods : the time where the photos that are being shown in the slideshow was taken. So begins Ken's struggle to go back and change the past, and confess his feelings to Rei.

Characters

Iwase Ken

The protagonist of the story, he is a guy with many regrets. The girl he loves is getting married and he is even invited to give a speech. Filled with regrets, he wishes that he could have a second chance to confess his feelings and right his wrongs. A fairy that resides in the church hears his wish and gives him a chance to go back in time and settle his regrets. As he struggles to solve his problems, he learns an important lesson.

Yoshida Rei

The girl getting married, and the girl Ken loves, Rei is a bright student who even gets a scholarship of sorts to study overseas. I can't write too much here, as it will contains spoilers, but it's save to say she used to habour feelings for Ken.

Fairy (Yosei)

The fairy that lives in the church, he gives Ken a second chance to right his wrongs in the form of time travel. Everytime he appears, a bright light will shine on Ken's face, time will stop, and the song 'Hallelujah' will be sung. And before he uses his powers, he must eat or drink something. The reason is never explained. Maybe just a quirk of his? Memorable quote : Pray! Only then shall I give you a chance! (self translated)

Well, that's all the pictures i have. Kinda hard to find other pics and elaborate them without giving away spoilers, so i'll just mention them here. Other prominent characters are : Tada Tetsuya, a student teacher at Ken's school who eventually marries Rei; Enokido Mikio, a wannabe director that figures out Ken's time-travelling powers and helps him; Oku Eri, Rei's good friend that had many boyfriends before; and Tsurumi Hisashi, a friend of Ken that loves Eri, but is shunned because of his...lacking height. Oh yeah, i forgot to mention that all of these people, except for Tada and the fairy, know each other since they were small. So, they are a very close group of friends.

Well, that's all then. This series really hit a spot with me, you know, because of it's theme of going back to the past to right a wrong and constant talk about the 'door of miracles' that is available to everyone, but not everyone has the ability and drive to open it. As, well, you know, i used to be quite a emo guy (actually, still emo now, but not so much), this show was like...you know...hit a spot, at the least. And here is a...parting gift : the ending theme for the show, which is one of the best ending themes i've ever heard, in my opinion.

Well...

2009-02-05T08:27:00.000-08:00

Well, since my last post had...umm...excitable responses, i think i'll stop with the emo posts for a while...instead, i'll go with promotional posts! promote whatever is it i'm doing, or caught my eye these days...firstly, i'll go with...the recently shown on 8tv japanese series, Hana Kimi!!!

I'll start with the story. Ashiya Mizuki is a japanese girl living in America. She admires this high school high-jumper Sano Izumi, who lives in Japan. In an incident in the past, Ashiya caused Sano's leg to get injured and so he was unable to high jump anymore. Ridden with guilt, Ashiya sets off to Japan to set things right. The only way she'll be able to get close to him is to enroll in the school he is in. However, Sano is studying in Ohsaka Gakuen, an all-boys school! Not one to give up, Ashiya does the unthinkable : she dresses up as a boy and enrolls in Ohsaka Gakuen! So starts a series filled with both laughter and some touching moments.

And now, the characters :

Ashiya Mizuki

As shown in the pic, she is played by the beautiful Maki Horikita. Ashiya Mizuki is a bright, energetic and impossibly cheerful girl. She faces many things with a positive attitude. Of course, she gets the help of some reliable friends. Ashiya forms many strong bonds throughout the series that will stand by her and support her in times of need. Oh, and did i mention that Maki Horikita is absolutely cute as Ashiya Mizuki? *drools*

Sano Izumi

The resident cool/emo guy, Sano Izumi has a calm and cold exterior. After the incident in America, he does not wish to high jump anymore. Now, he's more than happy just living a normal school life and walking his dog, Yujiro. However, Ashiya's entrance into his life changes many things about him, and eventually he becomes a not-so-cold person that actually participates in the school activities that he never joins. He competes with Nakatsu for Ashiya's affection.

Nakatsu Shuichi

The funniest guy in the whole series, Nakatsu is actually a very nice guy. A soccer player that hopes to one day play for Japan, he falls for Ashiya even without knowing that she is a girl! This leads to many funny moments like 'Nakatsu Vision', where his view of Ashiya is surrounded by pink flowers, and his constant reminding of himself that he is not gay (since he thinks that she is a boy). He eventually competes with Sano for Ashiya's affections. *personal note : i support this guy to get Ashiya instead of Sano. *

The three heads:

From left, they are : Himejima Masao, Nanba Minami, and Tennoji Megumi. Himejima is the head of the third Dorm, or Dorm 3. The people in Dorm 3 are all obssesed with art and music. They regularly come out either dancing or singing or simply laughing. Especially Himejima, who has a knack for appearing out of nowhere during the first few episodes. Nanba is the playboy and head of Dorm 2. Dorm 2 is where the 3 protagonists, Ashiya, Sano and Nakatsu live. While initially appearing as an unreliable playboy, he eventually emerges as a respectable and able leader. Tennoji is the kung fu and muscle guy, also the head of Dorm 1. The people of Dorm 1 are all fitness and matial arts fanatics, often seen doing sit-ups under the command of Tennoji. His favourite quote is 'BABEH!!!' (pronounced as BABY!, but longer). Oh, and he has a fiance/girlfriend.

All the other people in the series (both inside and outside the school)

Sorry, couldn't get a better picture, so have to do with the soundtrack cover. Well, among honorable mention are : Kayashima, who has ESP of some sort; Kagurazaka, Sano's high jump rival who ends up in some hilarious moments; Nakao, the effeminate boy who habours feelings for Nanba; and some others not in the photo. Those include: Hibari, the self-proclaimed princess of Blossoms Gakuen, Ohsaka Gakuen's neighbour, and Umeda Hokuto, the doctor in charge of Ohsaka Gakuen who finds out that Ashiya is a girl. He helps Ashiya often. Oh, and he is gay as he has a self-diagnosed 'phobia of women'.

Well, that's that, i suppose. BUT! this post doesn't do the series justice. You have to watch it! it's a really great series! Very funny too! and there's maki horikita...*drools again*

That's all for now. I take my leave.

So wrong

2009-01-15T10:16:00.000-08:00

Ah, miss Kayne! Glad you could join me! I wanted to write this in the chatbox, but figured it would be a tad too long. And long-winded. So, i decided to write it here. Along with my gripes. kaka.

SO! Miss Kayne! You're wrong on a few points there. Firstly, there is no timetable as to when i update. I just update when i feel like it.

Secondly, and more importantly, about my...wishlist on the side of my blog, yes? You say that belonged. I? BELONGED? Please, do not make me laugh. It is not funny, miss kayne. I never did belong back in form 6. I was a stranger, even to the people in my own class. Try thinking back to then. Did I belong in any particular group? Was I seen hanging around any particular group? Maybe, in certain times during prefecting, yes (especially during prefect recess). But after that? Or during normal class? No. No,no,no. I did not belong anywhere, did I? No group would particularly accept me. Even when i DID manage to join a group, I would just sit there, unable to join in the conversation. Mainly because of one of two reasons :

1. I didn't understand the language. This only applies when ppl are talking in mandarin.

2. The more common reason. I had no idea what they were talking about. They would either be talking about this person, or when they went to this place, or about this event, all of which i had no idea of.

Think about me. A guy like me. Only good in talking bout manga and games. How do you suppose i will fit into any of the groups in school? all of which had no...use for me. As the chinese saying goes : "Tor lei yat kor mm tor, siu lei yat kor mm siu" (literal translation : "even if you're here, it won't be too many people, if you're not here, it won't be too little people". Meaning, your presence is...expendable, to say the least.) Even if I did, it would seem forceful, or i that i would nvr be accepted completely. So there, miss Kayne. So there.

I must applaud you though. I must say, you DID try to make me feel accepted, along with your group, that is miss Lim and miss Yee. Please, convey my thanks to them as well. How things look like right now, i probably won't be able to see or contact them anytime soon, save the handphone, so i'm counting on you to relay my message.

Now, I'm pretty tired. And it's getting late. Later.

Mr and Mrs Smith

2009-01-10T08:26:00.000-08:00

Hey there! Well, seems like NO ONE'S reading this, but so what, huh? Yeah, I'm still gonna write on this thing. So, I just finished watching Mr and Mrs Smith. Yeah, I know, i'm WAY outdated on this. But I didn't go and watch it in the cinemas, so i had to wait until it's shown on tv. And i don't have astro, mind you. And actually, I didn't really watch the whole thing. I just watched about half the show, coz the other channel was shoeing Death Note 2, which was good as well. But man, it was LONG! I mean, it was 2 and 1/2 hours! But oh well, it was a good film. Too bad they had to change the story though.

SO! My main story of the day. It actually came from mr and mrs smith. It's about this married couple whose marriage is failing, coz they have to keep secrets from each other. They're both assasins, u see...and from rival agencies to boot! But it was what in the end, that really hit me. They were both being hunted from their respective agencies, and the two agencies sort of worked together to kill them. And, while taking a breather from all the chaos, the two of them thought of some time in the past where it's about some boats and La Paz. They smiled while thinking about it, which means that it must have been some experience. But then mrs smith said, " But I would rather be here, with you". Or something like that. And that's saying something, coz where they are, they're about to go out and get shot at by a lot of people with guns. But they won, of course. And in the end, they saved their marriage. But it was what mrs smith said that really struck me.

Is love really THAT powerful? She would rather be there, with her husband, about to go out into a battlefied, than be at what must be a paradise or something. Huh...the power of love is always said as strong, incredibly powerful and all that. So it got me wondering.

And...yesterday, there was pasar malam. I was dragged along to it by my mom. I mean, I've lived there for so long and since i was small, i went every friday, until a few years ago, coz i got bored of the place. I mean, i've been there so darn many times. And it ain't like i had anything to buy. Anyway, we were walking, and we walked past the popiah store, and i saw the girl who was tending the popiah stall. My heart suddenly beat faster. Why? Coz the girl resembled HER. Yeah, HER. You know, the same one from so so long ago? Huh...Which got me wondering. (yeah, i always wonder) Why did i feel that way? Could it be...because there was no closure of sorts. I mean, our friendship just...degenerated. Until the point where there was no rescuing it. So...what could have triggered it? I wonder...

I'm back!!!

2009-01-08T09:30:00.000-08:00

Whee! I'm back!!! Wakakakaka!!! My dear readers, (if there are any) have you been missing my posts? Well, rejoice, for Jack is back. I must say, this name has really taken a shine to me. Well, since the end of STPM, I haven't been really doing much. I'm relaxing everyday, 24/7. Sure, things might get slow once in a while, but things as they are, are great. And i've finished Persona 4! Man, that has to be one of the best games of the PS2. The characters really grow on you. I'm missing a bit of the game even now. Now, I'm on Resident Evil 4. I never thought I'll be playing this game, but it is good, y'know. And it has great visuals to boot. And it really ain't THAT scary. At least you can SEE the enemies. And they're not zombies by the way. They're...ill-tempered mutated infected people....I have no idea what I'm talking about. When you play, you'll know.

Well! A new skin. Actually, this skin DOES reflectmy feelings. Now that school is over, I don't think i'll meet my friends again. I wonder...do they still remember me? Not that I had many friends in Form 6, that is. Form 6 was...pretty bad, i guess. You know, coz of all that not belonging stuff and mixed feelings and all...Well, I guess I'll hafta get used to this. So, anyway, on to the MAIN EVENT!!! dun dun dunnnn....

The main reason is...There's this girl, y'know...I, myself is not sure how i feel about her....Haven't seen her for a LONG while. Well, you still remember my previous post, right? From last year, no less. Yeah, it's the same girl. No, not HER, not the existence that has plagued me for over a year, starting from lower 6! It's another girl, one that has given me hope (insert hallelujah song here. Did I spell that right?) Well, that was...last year too. You see, she doesn't msg me nowadays...and I tried msg-ing her once, but she nvr replied. I don't wanna bother her too much, u know? I've bothered her so many times last year. She's...important to me, i guess...Well, no use thinking about all that now, right? I'll...see what i can see and do what i can do...

Maa Yi...

2008-10-27T10:24:00.000-07:00

Ah yes...this word...it's jap...Maa Yi...i'm not so sure about the spelling nor am i sure about the meaning...As far as i know, this words means oh well...which describes my emotions now pretty well...I just found out...or rather, guessed...there's this girl i kinda like, you know..i think...i'm not sure of my emotions...she's pretty special...living overseas...we msg pretty often, ya know...earlier, i was checking her friendster profile...when i chanced upon this...this...revelation? turns out, she's been in contact with another guy...with friendster comments...but...far as i know, she's pretty popular...so...whether or not this means anything, i know not, but...what i'm sure is...this brings back the emotions...the dark emotions i was so prone to feeling when it was last year...due to HER... this...this emotion...i can't describe it...it's too...weird...i feel like laughing...in an evil, maniacal way...because...it's like...everything falls apart...i'm laughing at my own life...she was my pillar of hope...she made me believe in life again...when i was lost, i turned to her...now...now what? EHAHAHAHAHAHA ( oh man i'm tired of typing that. Insert Joker laugh here)

Deepavali

2008-10-27T10:06:00.000-07:00

Today's Deepavali...I went out with my friends to my two teacher's houses...they went to another guy's house as well, but, i wasn't invited, so, where can la i crash the party right? anyway, i got picked up by kah nyan, driving aaron's car...man, it was pretty scary..since she drove auto but this one is manual...the car kept jerking front and back...until she got the hang of it...then sometimes the car just broke down and have to start again...haha...we went to vee liam's church and there, we waited for close to an hour! man, i was so angry then...when he FINALLY arrived, we went to puan geetha's house. Man, it was packed. We arrived pretty late, but luckily there was still food. The mutton curry and the satay was the best. Especially the satay. So many ppl ordered it, the sellers had to take stock from their home...now THAT shows just how good they are...anyway, later, we went to parkson, since there was still time before we went to the puan alice's house. There, we walked, wandered, and eventually settled at the bowling alley. Aaron challenged Yee Kheng to a bowling match. Jocelyn also played. The rest of us just watched. Result : Yee Kheng won. After that, we went to puan alice's house. This one was more moderate, i guess...we went and ate a whole lot of snacks, especially muruku (damn those were good)...later we ate rice...one of the dishes, the curry chicken, was very hot and very spicy. It was red wei! Syok ah! Later, we finally went back and i went back home. Today has been a pretty nice experience...until...

When enough is never enough

2008-10-06T08:21:00.000-07:00

People used to say, 'As long as you work hard enough'. Now, it just won't cut it anymore. When you fail, does people see that you've worked hard enough? They only see the fact that you've failed. When you tell people about it, do they say, 'as long as you've worked hard enough? No...they only say, 'It's your own fault. Why didn't you work harder?' But, what do they know? I tried. I worked hard. But I still fail. And do they say 'as long as you've worked hard enough'? No...they blame me. They go and say 'it's your own fault. Who asked you to surf so much internet? Who asked you to play so many games? you should stop playing games'. It's like, their brain is wired to the same reasons. Games, internet, etc. Even when it doesn't have anything to do with it, especially considering my situation. Next time, I'll fill this in.

Nakama...?

2008-10-06T08:08:00.000-07:00

I think i understand now...Nakama...For those who do not know, nakama are teammates, or partners, and the like. I used to wonder...does this world really have nakama? All those reading of manga lead me to believe that they actually do exist. People who are always there for you, people who fight for you, and people who believe in you...I believed that they exist. But, now i know...in this world, there is no real nakama. And there probably never will. There will not be people who act like that now. We all are selfish. Humans are selfish creatures. Myself included. Nakama?! There are no such thing!

Aah...

2008-09-13T11:13:00.000-07:00

Well, the trials are over. This means three things : 1)Freedom! 2)Sadness 3)Despair

1) Freedom! this should b pretty self-explanatory ^_^
2) Sadness. End of trial means the real thing is coming up.
3) Despair. The feeling of waiting for your results. Sob.

Long overdue awakening

2008-08-30T11:56:00.000-07:00

It was...an awakening. I have awoken from a long dream. A dream that started last year, and dragged for so long...for those of you who have absolutely NO IDEA what the heck i'm talking about, it's about...HER. Yes, HER. The same person i've mentioned so freaking many times. Hahahaha.
Anyway, last Sunday, i had an awakening. I was reading Rave, Vol 32 (it's a good manga...check it out) and i reached this page where a guy called Musica was forging a sword for his good friend, the hero. He forged it, but it cracked and broke into many pieces. He repeated the process, but the same thing happened. Another friend of his asked him to stop, since his hands were severely injured in the process, but Musica didn't want to. He said these words : "Sekarang bukannya masa saya menyerah diri. Saya enggan menyerah diri!" (Now is not the time for me to give up. I refuse to give up!)
Those words proved magical to me. I took parts of it and applied it to my life. Now is not the time for me to think about love. Now is not the time for me to look for a partner. Hopefully, these things will come eventually. Now is not the time for me to give up on my studies. Now IS the time for me to focus and concentrate on my ailing studies.
Oh yeah, sorry for the late post. Been too lazy to blog. I'll try my best to be active again! see ya guys!

Ah...

2008-07-19T08:40:00.001-07:00

Hmm...well...don't really know what to write here...most of the stuff which was pent up inside me was said yesterday...I guess it's still the same old stuff...oh, and does anyone watch Operation Love? It's a great jap series...teaches us about seizing the moment and regret...watch it, it's nice...oh well, guess this is all then. bye for now

Huh...

2008-07-18T06:13:00.000-07:00

Heh...i'm back again. I...I'm tired. So tired. Of everything. But...two things keep me going. One, my story. I...have to finish it. Two, her. I...I realize that I won't be able to be with her. I won't be able to hold her hand...won't be able to go for romantic walks, won't be able to have a private dinner with her...won't be able to...just be with her. But...as long as I can see her smile. Hear her laughter. See her being happy. That's...that's enough for me. But at the same time, it's causing me pain. I see the two of them together...So happy...I...can't hope for them to split. Not when they're so happy together. I have to wish them happiness. They deserve it. But...it's...painful..

Well...confusion

2008-07-14T07:36:00.000-07:00

Well...nowadays, I'm still a bit confused. I've been thinking...what is love? Does love mean bringing happiness to the one i love, even though i won't be with her? Now, I don't really mind I can be with her or not. I just want to see her happy. To see her smile. But these feelings are....off and on. So what does this mean? I'm confused...

I'M BACK!!!!

2008-07-12T09:32:00.000-07:00

HAHAHAHAHHA!!!! Jack's back!!! Kyahahahaah!!! Hmhmhmhm...now, I am no longer Jack2flash...I am...CHAOS JACK!!! WAHAHAHAHHAHA!!!! Life these days have certainly taken a turn...Even I myself am surprised by this interesting turn of events...But I am not sure about these...changes. Are they real? Are they good? I have absolutely no idea. Anyway, this is all for now.